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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26179861">Love Is Like A Muskrat</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLady0fShalott/pseuds/TheLady0fShalott'>TheLady0fShalott</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Zorro (TV 1990)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, F/M, Father-Son Relationship, Humor, New World Zorro - Freeform, One Shot, Post-Canon, The Talk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:42:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,117</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26179861</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLady0fShalott/pseuds/TheLady0fShalott</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>New World Zorro: Alejandro gives his son Diego some advice on the evening of his wedding about getting to know a woman. After the conversation Diego is confused and he's fairly certain his father is too.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Diego de la Vega/Esperanza de la Vega, Diego de la Vega/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Love Is Like A Muskrat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is not meant to be an accurate representation or understanding about sex and instead is meant as a humerus miscommunication.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Diego and Esperanza stood at the altar, they held hands and spoke their vows to each other. He placed a gold band on her finger and received one back in return. Esperanza’s eyes had a twinkle in them as she placed the ring on Diego’s finger. He saw pressed into the soft gold was an artistic outline of a fox with two little jewel red eyes set into it. He gave her a small smile at the little secret message in his gift.</p><p> Diego had felt a sense of anxiety and nervousness start in his chest that morning but he put it aside as he found himself able to enjoy his wedding. </p><p>The wedding after all was the joining of himself with a woman he loved dearly and he trusted above all others. His father was satisfied about the marriage.</p><p>After the church wedding everyone was invited back to the de la Vega <em> hacienda </em> for the wedding <em> fiesta </em>. </p><p>“I’m so glad you got married, Diego, I was starting to think no one would take you,” Victoria said, smiling at him as she and her new husband bid him goodnight when the party was over. </p><p>“Thank you Victoria,” Diego said with a strained, shy smile while holding the door open for them.</p><p>“Are you looking forward to tonight?” she asked him. Diego looked slightly confused. “You know the wedding night can be a lot of fun,” she said giving him a knowing look, “as long as you do it right,” she added.</p><p>“Oh um... “ Diego was unsure what to say to her.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I have every confidence that you will be able to figure it out… eventually,” Victoria said, then left.</p><p>“This was an excellent party, the food was very good,” Sargent Mendoza said as he carried out a handful of food with him to eat on the way back to the pueblo.</p><p>“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself Sargent,” Diego said.</p><p>“With all these marriages, <em> Señorita </em> Escalante and now you, the pueblo will soon double in size,” <em> Alcalde </em>de Soto said.</p><p>“You think so?” Diego said.</p><p>“Yes, and so will my tax margin,” de Soto said with a pleased and greedy expression.</p><p>“So glad to know that the really important things never escape you, <em> alcalde</em>,” Diego said. When the last of the house guests were gone Alejandro came over to his son in the hall. </p><p>“Excited?” he asked.</p><p>“Mostly just a little tired,” Diego said. “It has been a long day”.</p><p>“Not too tired I hope,” Alejandro said. “Now, I suppose I should have told you this already. Maybe even before you went to Spain, but, well, Diego, you're not the kind of man I was too worried about.”</p><p>“Father, what are you talking about?” Diego asked, confused as to what his father was getting at.</p><p>“Getting to <em> know </em>a woman,” Alejandro said with a pleased emphasis.</p><p>“Father, I know many women,” Diego said. </p><p>“No, my son, what I mean is… getting to know a woman... biblically,” Alejandro said.</p><p>“I know several women involved with the parish biblical studies group already, I don’t think I need to get to know anyone else,” Diego said.</p><p>“Diego, I can’t tell if you're really this naive or if you're playing with me?” Alejandro said, disgruntled. “But I don’t like it”.</p><p>“Please, Father, it has been a long day, what is it that you are getting at?” Diego asked an edge of weariness in his voice. </p><p>“Making love, my son. That is what the wedding night is all about and yours is here,” Alejandro clapped a hand to Diego’s shoulder and gave it a little shake of excitement. “I have been waiting so long for this night”.</p><p>“My wedding night?” Diego asked, confused. “I’m so glad you're finding this exciting,” Diego said, a little uncomfortable with how enthusiastic his father was being.</p><p>“Oh Diego, a wedding night is very exciting, I remember mine with-”</p><p>“My mother,” Diego said. Wishing his father would not continue.</p><p>“Yes,” Alejandro sighed thinking back to a fond memory. He seemed to realize he was wasting time and stepped a little closer to his son. Lowering his voice he said, “Now, the first thing you will need to do is take off your clothes”.</p><p>“My clothes?” Diego said. He had already figured that part out quite some time ago. “Well, thank you, Father, I think I’ll just turn in now.” Diego tried to get away.</p><p>“I’m not finished,” Alejandro said, keeping a firm hand on his tall son’s shoulders. “After you take off your clothes you will want to lay on the bed,” Alejandro continued.</p><p>“And go to sleep, alright, goodnight, Father.” Diego made to leave but was held back once again.</p><p>“Eventually yes, but not too early,” it was at this point that Alejandro started to seem as if he was unsure how to go further.</p><p>“I’ll keep that in mind, goodnight, Father.” Diego was held back once more. He saw Esperanza in the door to the hall that led to their room. She was looking to see if he was coming with her. Diego gave her an apologetic look and shrugged a little. She smiled softly at him and went on without him.</p><p>“Now this part is really very important,” Alejandro said. “It is like when a bird is looking for a nest. You must be very careful to choose the right nest. Some nests might look good but when you get down to it a bird might find out that the nest is vain or shallow, and only trying to marry the bird for its money”.</p><p>Diego was confused. He felt as if his father was trying to warn him about choosing the right woman. But he was already married, some hours ago in fact.</p><p>“Father,” Diego started, trying to get away. “I’ve already chosen my nest,” he pointed out. He was feeling the awkwardness of the situation growing by the minute.</p><p>“Oh yes, I guess you have,” Alejandro said. He was quiet for a moment and Diego made to leave his father but was held back once again.</p><p>“Well this part is also very important. You see my son, the wedding night is like… well… it’s like a muskrat.”</p><p>“A muskrat?” Diego asked, now completely lost.</p><p>“Yes. when a muskrat first burrows into the wet mud of its den, it needs to be careful not to be too rough or enthusiastic in its activities right away.” Alejandro cleared his throat a moment. “You see, you don’t want to cause any discomfort to the bank or the muskrats paws,” he went on.</p><p>“Father?” Diego really just wanted to leave.</p><p>“Are you confused, my son?” Alejandro asked.</p><p>“Yes,” Diego said.</p><p>“Oh, well I guess it was not the best analogy for someone of your interests. Oh yes. The wedding night is like a painting. When you go to dip your brush into the paint for the first time you must be careful not to cause pain to the jar or to bend the bristles of the brush.”</p><p>Diego felt a creeping embarrassment on his neck and a strange magnification to the anxiety he’d been feeling all day.</p><p>“Father?” Diego asked.</p><p>“That doesn't really explain well what I’m getting at. Paint jars are made of glass and are quite durable,” Alejandro said to himself. “I have it, when you first put paint onto your canvas you need to be careful not to puncture the painting with your brush. You must choose your strokes carefully so as not to embarrass the painting. Or yourself,” Alejandro warned.</p><p>“Father, I think I have the picture, goodnight,” Diego said.</p><p>“No, I’m not done,” Alejandro said. “I’m not sure you are understanding this right. I guess if I have any hope of you not messing this up I will have to speak somewhat more plainly. Sometimes when a muskrat first paints on a canvas the painting will bleed.”</p><p>“Bleed,” Diego said, alarmed.</p><p>“Yes, well sometimes that happens even if you are exceedingly careful, too. Paintings are funny creatures,” Alejandro said. “But that is no excuse for being careless with your gopher,” he added sternly.</p><p>“Gopher?” Diego was lost again.</p><p>“Oh sorry, muskrat,”</p><p>“I thought I was the muskrat?” Diego asked, so confused he wasn't sure what they were talking about anymore.</p><p>“It’s like you haven't even been paying attention to anything I’ve said. Diego, this is very important,” Alejandro scolded. “After you have satisfied your gopher, which is very important, you must be a gentleman and do that before you… well, anyway if you do this right in nine months a chick will be hatched and I’ll have a new gopher,” Alejandro said. Then added sternly, “And for God's sake do not collapse on top of your painting. It will never forgive you for that, even if you never do it again in 15 years of cohabitation”.</p><p>“Father it grows late,” Diego said, cringing at his father over sharing and trying to banish it from his mind.<br/>
    “Oh, eager for your fun I see.” Alejandro smiled approvingly. Then added “God I hope you don’t embarrass yourself. Well goodnight my son I think that’s all the help I can give,” Alejandro clapped his son on his shoulder and went to his own rooms.</p><p>Diego really felt unsure what to even think about the strange and awkward conversation he’d just had. All he knew was that it was not particularly helpful and at most had succeeded in alarming him about the entire matter. </p><p>Entering his room he found Esperanza waiting for him already dressing in her nightgown. “Your father kept you long,” she said. It had been some minutes.</p><p>“Yes, he um…” Diego cleared his throat, “wanted to give me some advice”. Diego felt a growing anxiety building in his chest now. “I think I’ll go check and see if the door is locked,” he said.</p><p>“It’s locked, Diego,” Esperanza said.</p><p>“Oh… well perhaps I should go see if the horses need to be fed before breakfast,” Diego struggled for an excuse to leave and try to calm down.</p><p>“Diego,” Esperanza said. She took a step closer to him until she was standing before him and held out her hand. “What’s wrong, do you not want to consummate the marriage tonight?” she asked.</p><p>The problem was of course it didn’t matter what night it was, these problems would still remain. “No, no it’s just...” Diego awkwardly thought through his father's vague and yet somehow disturbing advice. “I understand that for a gopher, sometimes this kind of activity can have a problematic quality to it the first time,” Diego said.</p><p>“Gopher?” Esperanza asked, confused.</p><p>Diego sighed at his father's words which had come out of his mouth. “No, what I mean to say is that-”</p><p>“You’re worried you’ll cause me some discomfort?” she asked.</p><p>“Yes,” Diego said. He felt a little relief that she seemed to understand what he was trying to talk about because he didn’t and his father certainly didn’t.</p><p>“Are you unfamiliar with how these things go?” she asked him.</p><p>“No,” Diego said. “I have a very clear idea of the mechanical aspect of things. Or I did until I spoke with my father. Now, however, I’m not entirely sure he has a good idea of how these things go either”. Esperanza put a hand on Diego’s cheek and softly looked into his eyes.</p><p>“Then what is the matter?”</p><p>“I am… nervous about the more emotional aspect. I am worried I will somehow embarrass you. I know I will embarrass myself,” Diego said, his shyness evident in his words. He embarrassed himself all the time to keep his secret of Zorro. It was the idea of embarrassing, or worse, hurting her in any way that caused him anxiety. </p><p>“You will not. Focus on me. Look into my eyes and there will be nothing to worry about,” she told him. Diego gave her a strained and grateful small smile at her confidence in him. Diego was quite a long few minutes then gave a sigh.</p><p>“I guess I’m just nervous, I’ve never done this before,” he said.</p><p>“I am too, but we will figure it out,” she said.</p><p>“Esperanza,” Diego said lovingly. He did not deserve to have a friend such as she. His weariness of the wickedness in the world was always lifted when she was around. She made him see the world in a new light through the viewpoints she’d led him to look through. He reached out and took her hand and kissed the back of it.</p><p>“Look at me, focus on me,” she told him. Diego’s eyes found hers in the gloom of their room. As they slowly undressed he felt the nervousness and the anxiety fade away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This fic is a chapter from an uncompleted longer fic that may never see the light of day. So I re-worked it a little and posted it as a one shot. It is set after season 4 of New World Zorro and I'm introducing the OC Esperanza. Also no one including Victoria know Diego is Zorro, except Esperanza, Diego told her before they got married.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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